Most of my hindu in-laws are meat eaters, big time. But a few are hard core vegetarians who take every opportunity to take a shot at the cruel garbage eating carnivores, like myself. The only white guy in the room makes me an especially sought after target. The older ones are worse. They spend a lifetime eating meat until they spot that first gray "yes you're human and will die someday and pay for your sins" hair. Suddenly they're devout hindus hellbent on converting everyone else into vegetarians as if that's gonna make up for the hundreds of cows they've eaten in their lives.
No family gathering is without the debate. They can't win. My father-in-law is the worse. Every time I meet him, he tells me about a film he saw at temple about how cruelly cows are slaughtered for us to eat. I tell him how much crueler death is for animals in the wild. He says he won't eat eggs because they're little chickens. I tell him they're unfertilized eggs and will never be chickens. He looks confused.
A 30 something year old cousin tells me I eat garbage when I eat a cow. I tell her it's not nice to call her god garbage and glance at her generous thighs and my 32 inch waist.
Then there's my favorite, elderly hindu fanatic at a wedding eating shrimp. When confronted he tells me it's Ok as the shrimp weren't killed they were just deprived of oxygen when caught and died naturally.
It goes on all night until I get tired and complement their shoes, "Leather aren't they? But don't worry. It was probably just pushed into a stream and deprived of oxygen."
If I'm in a mood I usually add, "I eat your god!"
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